Lost

Most if not all things are easier said then done

But im trying to find my voice

I feel mute

They say silence is golden

But yall just don’t know what im holding

This shit is eating me from outside in

Trying to obtain the non-obtainable

Sustainable is how im feeling

But I gotta feeling im the only one that knows

I got the me myself and I blues

Trying to find the clues

Love is The Law

Whats the point
When it dont matter
I can say how I feel
1000 times and you
Still wont get it
I can scream it from
The mountains
I can cry to my wife
About it
I spend all the spare time
I have trying
To desegregate
But you will never get it
She will never be you
And you will always be
Thee
There is no one thing
That I can point out
Because I love you
But you will never
Understand
And I cant make you
Thats what saddens me
I know that past actions
Make new reactions
I dont know what I
Want from you but
I can ask you the same to
The happy I have with
Her dont got shit to do
With you
But I get it
What I have learned about the
Dimensions of love
Over the last 5 years
Has erased alot of my fears
Of loving more then one
Its almost like saying
If I love the moon
Then I can't  love the sun
And I love them both
Equally just for different reasons
Depending on the season
Maybe it will never be another we
But I could dream
But you gotta know there
Is nothing on my end that you are coming in bettween
Some bonds cant be broken
Sometime the sparkle is just sequences
But Love Real Love True Love Will always Remain
You can hide from it
And drive yourself insane
Im not in this trying to play games
Or trying to start no shit
Just trying to see how we are suppose to
End this
How do we finish
Or do we allow ourselves
To let words linger with no explination
Feel the love with out sensation
Pick up that phone with hesitation
Ill be around
My number wont change
A lot of things will but my
Love wont rearrange

Untitled

Why to I 

Do this to myself

I look 

I get hook

Sucked in 

I get shook

Overtook

By what you could be thinking

Anxious 

How can this be

How can you still do this to me

Outta sight

Outta mind

I wish

Still looking for that

Rewind 

Then I will fast foward

To that day

Then ill pause

And live in it

That moment

Looking in your eyes

Feeling everything

You had for me

So open 

That I would 

I would open up anywhere

Day or night I didnt care

Late night Word Feud battles

I still send you request

Hoping you will play one more

Game just for a moment

Everything can feel the same

The laughter still resides

I swear im not trying to hide

But its not fair for me to 

Embrace whats no longer in my face

What if

The days pass
And I cant help
But to think
What if we just stayed
Friends
Then again
We couldn't
But what if we could
Be near each other without
Having to retract the
Magnetic force that
Keep us together
Maybe I could think about you
Without sorrow
Wishing for better tommorrowS
Possibly hold a conversation
Without wanting to reach
For you
I might be able to look at you
And not have the urge
To make you the happiest
Women in the world
Just maybe

When

What am I suppose to do
Everything got me confused
Confession of
Hypothetically Speaking
That makes to much since
For it to be hypothetical
But I get it
Its hard to admit it
But I thank you
So now what is it
That I am suppose to do
When I cant even call you
Im afraid to speak cause
I dont want no malice
Between you and yours
But we both know
That we left open too many doors
To many unsaid words
To many things that we left out
So you tell me how do we go about
Fixing this
Not to reminisce
Just to consture
So you dont have to
Ask why
Because you will know
All the questions
Can be answered
But when
Or will we keep playing this game
Over and over again

Reading

I know your reading
That makes me happy
Although thats not your goal
I know that when you are
I get scared cause I know
Permanency and you
Don Construe
I know that your reading
So imma write directly to you
I love you
I miss you
I know that I got issues
And I know I made  a lot
Of decisions that you didnt care for
Some that you dont understand
Neither do I
I never had a back up
Because my plan was soild
But love comes when you least
Expect it
I was just looking for a free meal
And someone to talk to
Someone to help me stop thinkin
About you
I know your reading
So I apologize 1000 times
I hope your reading

Love

Its amazing how many times
I have read
And read
Your shit
But I am really just starting to understand
I can say age is a factor
Because I know
That I am not who
I was 5 years ago
I gotta different flow
But I am still a hard way to go
My attitude has grown
I now like to be left alone
But one thing that remains
Is the love

Somehow
I managed to keep
The love in tact
Going through this
And all of that
So many ups and
Downs
So many rats
So many time
My spirit has been broken
But no matter what
I have been open
To love
To be loved
To see love
I guess im really in love
With love

I keep

How can I look at you
When I'm not allowed
To speak
So many hrs
I waited
For her to go away
So many nightmares
So many times
I wanted to reach out
But you told me you had
Your real love without a doubt
So yeah
I wanted to scream and shout
But your happiness
Means everything
I know your struggle
I've witnessed your hustle
I feel your pain
And I knew I was causing it
So I let you go

I can't stop loving
When it was never my
Choice to love
What we have is involuntary
Which is why the pain
Is so stationary
The reason why the questions
Never end
Is because
We played ourselves
Trying to be just friends
Held on to that thought
Becasuse friends last forever right?
Even you been through a best friend fight
You picked up the pieces
Continued the frienship
Our ship is bigger then
Facts
But I don't know what to do with it

What do you feel when you?
Encounter me
What do you see?
Do you feel that energy?

I've tried
But I've failed
So I'll write
Hoping
That my words
Come out
Right

We need to talk

I know
What it is
But that don't mean
Its right
I'm here
I feel
I know
Im sorry
I wish it were different
It hurts to watch
It hurts to know
I love you
I miss us
I know your stuggle
I wish i could help
But i know I
Will make it worst
Ive been gifted
I wanna share
I wish I could tell you
Everything
You have part of me
I can never get back
Life is to short
So Im ok with that
Just know I always got your back

My Truth

Just a glimpse is all I
Ever need
It last me a lifetime
I heard your laughter
From a distance
Its crazy cause the love
Remains
My heart still goes insane
But I've learned how to keep it
Contained
I think about
The snowfall
And how we talked about
How we would never fall
Days when just laid
And how we laugh so
Hard tears would
Race down
Doubled over in pain
From so much funny

But the truth is it was a test
Yeah you fail
But that was a chance I was willing to take
Because real love cant truly be demolished
In one or two dates
Especially with someone whom'
I cant necessarily relate too
She was a big part of my past
But she was never you
And I never wanted her too be
So yeah I fucked up maybe
Even took it too far
I apologize for that
And understand your decision
I respect you position
I realize how you move
And the type of world you live in
Who is to blame for love loss
I cant answer that
Cause my love never left
Just got tucked somewhere
In the back of my temple
Down close by my spine
But everytime we do this
It resurfaces
I dont think you get how my love
Works so many parts of me
You didn't get to see
So many part of me are for
Your eyes only

So yeah you won
And you continue to
Win
I guess Ill see you next
Lifetime
831
Maybe we will try again

But Love

Sometimes just

Breathing the same air

Knowing that your there

Trying so hard not to care

I feel uneasy

But I am trying to take it

I know its not your

Words

Bridging

This unwanted gap

Am aware

Because love

Does exist 

It lingers in a word

A thought

One moment

Most times that is all we got

So I just own it

I keep my blisses

Locked up with 

The memory of a love

I once had

One so pure that it was too

Sweet

It wasnt balanced

So 

Bitter

Happened

But just before

Love was shown to me

So blinding

But it taste like the first

Time I had ice cream

I scream inside

Becasue

I know whats real

But it was to real to reavle

Too much bliss

One cant handle 

But love

Time

I find myself daydreaming
More often then not
Scared
Feeling like I need something
Battling with myself
Trying to understand
Thes feelings of uncertaincy
Its gonna rear its ugly head
Eventually
This feelings that I have are
Forgine to me
So Suzette whats it gonna be
Its your life but it isnt
Actions speak louder then words
What are morals and value really
I can kinda understand why now
I know why you choose her
But I dont wanna choose'
I shouldnt have to
Im so fustrated
I wish I could let it all go

You've Got the right

So in tune

Even when I am

Not on the same station

Somethings cant 

Be what we want them too

Sometimes it hurts more

Then we expect them to

Not realizing how 

Much somethings really 

Effect you
And your heart
Is beyond affected
Because from them
Is whom you least expected
Now your infected
With darkness you never
Knew existed
A cloud
You try to run from
But it holds firm
And turns with every turn
You've got the right
To feel what you think is real
Even if its for a moment
Hold on to it and own it
Cause I feel it too..